Holy crap, did I just buy a $379 monitor?
Specifically this one?
Why yes, yes I did. After looking at a ton of different monitors while consulting with my fuzzy friends and performing much skullduggery, I settled on that particular monitor because it had a really good combination of refresh rate and resolution, it (barely) fit within my budget, and I was really tired of fucking looking.
As usual, I took it about as far as rationality could take me then covered the rest of the way to a decision with rash impulsiveness.
This might explain the low quality of many of my life decisions.
But what else can you do when a decision must be made and there are far too many variables for a mortal mind to handle?
I don’t really have thinking my way through things slowly and methodically as an option. My mind works in tidal waves and lightning flashes and wildfires.
In other words, it works on inspiration. Even my most deliberate and well thought out opinions are the result of a series of intuitive leaps that only then got inspected and verified by my powers of reason.
Hence the N in INTJ. It stands for N-tuitive. (Look, I was already busy standing for Introverted. N was literally the next best thing. )
As counter-n-tuitive as it may seem (OK, I’ll stop), despite my highly logical materialist nature, pop the hood and you’ll find intuition as the engine of it all.
One of the secrets of my genius is that with me, as with a lot of highly creative people, intellect and intuition work together like your left and right hand. It’s like intuition is this massive supercomputer and reason is its sole user.
But where was I? Oh yeah, my crazy new monitor.
It will be arriving tomorrow, which still boggles my mind. And the thing is a whopping 32 inches, which is 13 inches more than my current monitor.
In other words, it’s a freaking beast. I wasn’t looking for a huge monitor at all – not a priority for me – but for some weird reason the 32″ version of this particular model of monitor was $50 cheaper than the 27″ model, so I figured, what the fuck.
Why pay more for less?
Right now, I am devoting significant effort to remaining calm about this major purchase instead of letting the weevils of self-doubt and anxiety burrow into my soul and make me freak out and cancel the order and end up back at square one, only hating myself.
I had the money. Money is for spending. I could afford to get myself something really nice, so I did. End of story.
Like I have mentioned before, the next stop on the Upgrade Express will be a better CPU. That’s going to involve still more skullduggery as I have to figure out what sort of CPU socket my motherboard has, and what CPUs are compatible with it, and blah blah blah. All very dull stuff.
Plus, of course, I have to save up the money.
No rush. I have my blazing fast GPU and enormous new monitor to enjoy until then.
More after the break.
Things we INTJ’s hide
A video in the SECOND half? How exotic!
Time for my feelings on his points!
7. We hide our trust issues
I try to.
My friends know the score with me. I don’t trust, I verify. If I trust someone, it’s because I have scanned their soul with my highly evolved empathy and judged them to be good people I can trust.
So it would probably be more accurate (and sound even worse) that I have no faith in people. I have no faith in anything. I don’t know if I am even capable of faith.
Instead, I have knowledge and understanding, and do the best I can with them.
That leaves an awful lot of gaps in my psyche. And a cold wind blows through them. Faith, as far as I can tell, fills those gaps.
Must be nice.
6. We hide our overthinking
This one doesn’t really land with me. I don’t think of myself as an overthinker, but I definitely was one in the past. I just learned to calm that part of my mind.
5. We hide our feelings and emotions
Not I, not really.
Well, I guess I sort of do. I certainly never bare my depression to the world, nor all the dark emotions that come with it.
I mostly show the world my sunny side only. Have done so since forever. The light makes excellent cover for what I think and feel in my dark little world.
The fact that my sunny side is very open about my life and expresses a lot of things most keep hidden is just part of the show.
Remember, the number one rule of hiding something is that you must hide the fact that you are hiding something.
But note that I hardly ever talk about what I am feeling at the time.
It has to be transformed by time into anecdotes.
And of course, I can always retreat into being enigmatic.
4. We hide our intuition
Gods yes. Otherwise it creeps people the fuck out.
Especially if we throw my empathy in with the intuition. I learn things about people they think nobody knows and I do it without even trying.
But I keep that shit to myself! Learned to do that in my late teens.
Learned the hard way that what is obvious to me is opaque to others.
It’s still kinda weird to me. These high powered perceptions of mine are such a fundamental part of how I see the world that it’s hard to imagine them not being there.
People must be so much more mysterious then.
3. We hide out arrogance
True, though I don’t think I am very good at it.
When my mind is really humming, my intellectual confidence shines through even if I am trying to pretend I have doubts just like everyone else.
And I know how downright insufferable that smooth confidence can make me.
Don’t know how to effectively mask that except by being self-deprecating.
That only sorta works.
2. We hide our loneliness
Um, yeah. I am not sure I even know how to outwardly express loneliness.
But I am terribly, terribly lonely. Have been for my whole life. And yet, I know that my own uncompromising and judgmental nature plays a big part in that.
I would be much better off if I could just turn off that damned robot brain of mine and just be human with others for a while.
Pretty sure that to do that I would have to start drinkin’.
Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.
1 , We hide our talents
Yeah but I do it very, very badly.
My urge to show off and dazzle people with my brilliance is much stronger than any urge I have not to make people feel bad by outshining them.
Screw that. I am going to shine, shine, shine. And if you can’t handle it, tough.
It’s what I was born to do.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.