Today has been pleasingly active and productive so far.
Did the bankward thing this morning. Around 11 am, Julian drove me there for my once a month trip to withdraw some cash.
It used to be my once a month trip to cash my cheque, but then I got direct deposit.
Oh so much more convenient.
I haven’t completely given up on my dream of being able to spend the money in my bank account online, but I am increasingly sure that I will have to switch to RBC to do it.
Every time I try to explain what I want to the folks at my VanCity branch, they look at me like I just sprouted a third hand and it’s doing the “wanky wanky” motion.
Anyhow, so as usual, I got them to tell me the balance on the account and withdrew cash based on how much I had in there.
Then it was off to PriceMart so Julian could kindly go in and buy this month’s PayPower card for me.
With $500 on it, which is the limit. Rather inconveniently.
One of these months I’ll just buy two of them.
Then it was time to go back home, where I registered said PayPower card.
Lately I have been able to read the tiny little numbers off the back of the card myself, and thus I have not had to call upon Julian and borrow his eyes.
So to speak.
After that, I hopped onto Instacart to do my weekly shopping.
Had to do it right away because my cupboard was looking mighty bare. I could have gone a couple more days, maybe, but why?
And I am somewhat proud of myself for managing to rein in my out of control grocery spending habits. Only spend 71 bucks.
Which is not the “under 60 bucks” goal I started out with, but still a lot better than the $100+ I’ve been spending lately.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed all the fun food I bought with that money, but I also enjoy ordering in at least once a week.
And it was becoming a serious either/or thing.
Now I can relax and resume my usual blobby shapeshifter form, having some actual things actually done today.
I am slowly moving towards a place where I can deliberately look for things to do besides waste my brain cells playing video games.
And do so with bright anticipation, even. What fun and productive things can I do today to brighten up my life and give me some sense of value and purpose?
Part of me still winces at that level of earnest positivity. But it’s not like my bitterly dark and sarcastic attitude ever made me happy.
And I am increasingly convinced that I am naturally full of love and hugs and sunshine and it’s only the god damned fucking depression that had kept that hidden from me.
There has to be a reason why I have always instinctively shied away from pessimism and cynicism and negativity. Those offer comfort to many people a lot like me, but I absolutely refuse to go there.
The very idea deeply offends me.
But staying out of the deepest dark is not nearly enough any more. I want to start moving towards the light and warmth of the real world.
And to hell with this frozen candyland of mine.
I’m ready to melt.
More after the break.
Food of the gods
I am happy, for I have hummus.
Hummus is all the proof I need that God loves us and that I could be a vegetarian or even a vegan if I wanted to be.
I’ve never been a super enthusiastic carnivore in the first place. And things like hummus and lentil soup and vegetarian chili are so damned good (and satisfyingly savoury) that I doubt I would miss meat all that much.
Except for the lingering issue of Vitamin B12.
See, I have been an accidental vegetarian. That’s how I ended up with a B12 level in my blood of either zero or unmeasurably low.
Amounts to the same thing, really.
Patient readers know that I never set out to be a vegan. I just got out of the habit of eating meat or dairy except when I ate out at a restaurant.
So I guess you could say I got out of the habit of buying meat and dairy.
Luckily I have corrected for that, and most days I have at least one meal where meat and/or dairy is featured.
Because those are the only sources of B12, folks. We are, in that one sense, obligate carnivores. We have to have animal products of some kind.
The only choice we have in the matter is whether the animal whose B12 we are eating died for our needs or only made a donation.
This makes me really worry about total vegans.
Julian, you’re in the clear because you eat fish.
But total vegans must, if they are strict in their diet, be operating in a constant state of Vitamin B12 deficiency.
It’s actually, quite ironically, a very unhealthy lifestyle.
And furthermore, this hummus is awful.
It’s Sabra classic hummus, and to me, it has a very bitter taste.
I say “to me” because my Spidey sense is telling me that this is going to be one of those times when something tastes fine to everyone else but awful to me.
Perhaps that’s just the depression talking. Perhaps not.
All I can say is that I am bitterly (ha) disappointed. I was really looking forward to have hummus on a Ritz or a potato chip, but this shit is horrible.
Oh shit. And I know why. Because it’s two days past its “best before” date.
I bought the hummus as part of the grocery order before this one, but then ate all the Triscuits I ordered to be its delivery platform before I got around to the hummus.
Life lesson learned. Hummus does not “keep”.
I hope the amount I have already eaten doesn’t make me sick.
I was probably better off not knowing that.
I will probably talk to you nice people again tomorrow.