I feel a great deal of strain right now despite not having done much and I am assuming that means I am once more dehydrated.
But maybe it’s something worse. Who knows.
I do know that I am very much looking forward with talking to my GP, Doctor Chao, on Tuesday[1] because I am quite worried about what has been going on in my health lately and I am eager to talk about it with him.
Who knows, he might even have something useful to say or even do.
Keep your dreams alive, kids.
The infection on my thumb worried me a great deal because I associate that kind of grotesquery with the bad old days when I didn’t take my diabetes seriously at all and had a1c readings in the 20s (normal is 7) and acted like there was nothing I could do about it, that was just life I guess.
What a fucking idiot I was. And I am paying the price for that idiocy now.
If my a1c has for some reason gone nuts again then I am going to have to go back on insulin and that means solving the whole blood sugar testing question.
Luckily, the province pays for the modern blood-free testing systems now where I just have to put a sensor in my arm once a month and it takes the readings.
I think we’re up to the Freestyle Libre 2 now, maybe 3?
And I am sure Doctor Shari (Caswell) can hook me up with something like that. So that should be less of a hassle.
And the thing is, it’s entirely possible that I could have the high blood sugar again despite there having been no change in my diet because diabetes is a progressive disease and so it could very well have just gotten worse on me.
And that could explain the other thing that has me worried, the sky high blood pressure readings they took when I was at Urgent Care for the thumb.
That’s very very not good. High blood sugar can lead to high blood pressure because high blood sugar makes your blood thicker and it therefore takes more total pressure to move it around your body.
There’s a few bits of naughtiness I could cut out of my diet. The muffins I get with my McD’s twice a week, the vanilla soft serve cones that I get now and then, also from McD’s come to think of it.
That place is no good for me, I tells ya.
And I could cut back some on the carbs, although I am leery of that given how badly I botched that before with my no carb diet.
Turns out that’s a bad idea. Felt ever so much better once I put carbs back into my diet. Then immediately felt stupid for my dip into nutritional extremism.
Because I know better, god damn it. But I guess “carbs bad” was easier to remember than “maybe less carbs?”.
Fucked if I know.
Oh right, and I did make a vid.
Speaking of nudity, I think my body misses me being naked a lot. Now that I have things arranged so that I can change into a clean set of clothes every morning, I spend most of the time clothed, only being naked when I shower and when I sleep at night.
Almost like a normal person.
And I have noticed that when I am getting dressed in the morning it’s like my body is going, “Oh god, no, not this shit again!”, like I was putting on ski clothes in the summer.
Maybe I need to start showering more than once a week in order to clean out my pores so that my skin can breathe and regulate my temperature better.
What I really want is a long hot soak in the bathtub.
But that’s not an option for my gimpy self any more. Le sigh.
More after the break.
Another tale of ordering in
And I am writing about it, so you know something went wrong.
Nothing major, thankfully. I just ordered Pepsi Free with my meal and got Brisk Iced Tea instead. Luckily, after finding where they had moved the Help button on DoorDash, I was able to put in my complaint and got an instant refund of the whole cost of my Cold Cut Combo meal, which was $10.30!
Now that’s Brisk, baby!
I also ordered this Bean Fiesta Side Salad for $3.50 which turns out to basically be salsa with beans in it and is quite tasty!
And much healthier than the red velvet cookie I almost bought. Phew. Those are very very delicious but very very bad for me.
I also got Miss Vickie’s Sweet Chili and Sour Cream chips with my order, which I had not had since I was at VFS. They’re still quite good, though not as good as my beloved Miss Vickie Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar chips.
But I wasn’t in the mood for those.
I love them dearly but they do insist upon themselves.
One niggling detail the refund couldn’t cover : my body is essentially pouting at me because it was promised caffeine in cola form and didn’t get it.
Well too bad, body. There’s no way you’re getting it now.
I don’t even like iced tea.
What else. Not a lot going on in my sad little life. I keep talking about doing new things in order to liven up my life and wake me up inside and such, but the easiest thing to do is always nothing and so far I have not been able to make myself actually do it.
I still come up against that feeling like if I do that I will somehow injure myself, like I would have to cut off a finger to do it.
Well, they say that to be free, one must give up a little part of oneself.
But it’s so much easier to just keep running on my cozy little treadmill, and like a hamster in its wheel, feel like I must be getting somewhere when I know I am going absolutely nowhere and that is, in fact, the idea.
Not better. Just easier.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.