I’ve not had any medical appointments for the last two weeks or so.
But that’s about to chain because I have a ton of them between the 21st and the 30th.
I’m going to cut n’ paste them here both as a record of this time in my life and so that Julian gets a heads up about where he will be driving me.
July 15, at 8:10 AM : My opthamologist, Doctor Vaezi – REaaaaally lookinf forward to this one because I am reaaaaally hoping he can fix my eyes. Things are so goddamned blurry. I can’t read from a paperback at all. Everything more than a few feet away from me is a blur. I can read the computer screen but it’s a struggle.
I really hope I haven’t fucked things up permanently.
July 23rd, 11:30 am : Back to IRIS. AKA the people who sold me the glasses I no longer wear. I am going to go back to see them in order to get new lenses to match my new post-cataract surgery eyeballs. Would be nice to be able to see again. Then again, if the visit to Doctor Vaezi goes well, I might not need glasses any more.
To be honest, I have no preference at this point. Having to wear glasses again would be no biggie, seeing as I wore them my entire life until like six weeks ago. But having my new eyeballs just plain work without them would be cool too.
July 25th, 8:15 AM : My cardiologist, Doctor Ebtia. – Presumably, we will discuss the results of my heart ultrasound and such. Seems kind of redundant seeing as I am already in the pipeline for heart surgery. But she’s the one who got the ball rolling with the tests she ordered so I suppose it’s still her show.
July 25th, 12:45 PM at Kwantlen: My second injection (!!!). Finally! So glad I won’t have to wait till the middle of September like I was originally told. Apparently the four month between shot delay was them being properly cautious. But the initial round of shots went so darn well that they were able to advance their timetable and now I am going to finally be fully vaxxed and be able to relax about this shit.
July 27, 7:15 am : Heart ultrasound at St Paul’s. Another trip to St. Paul’s. Also seems a tad redundant seeing as I am already en route to heart surgery. But my current surgeon (my third or fourth) Doctor Lichtenstein told me that he wants to see the results of that before he books my surgery. So whatev.
July 29, 11:40 : My sleep and diabetes specialist, Doctor Caswell. Yay,I get to see Sherri again. She’s so nice.
Hopefully I will have my new paid for by the government glucometer by then. It’s been frustrating to be unable to get a blood sugar reading because that fucking sensor died on me and so I can’t do my insulin.
I was so close to getting my level into the healthy zone too. Lowest was 11.7 and for a diabetic like me, anything under 10 is considered good.
Oh well, Guess I’ll just let high blood sugar ravage my organs for a while longer.
I think that’s it. It’s going to be a busy time for me.
I’m so in demand! Just what IS a boy to do?
More after the break.
We, the wretched
We, the wretched
The worthless and discarded
The charitably tolerated
The broken and the doomed
We say this prayer
We, the useless
The barely born burdens that bear down upon the backs and legs of the good and noble and strong people of the world because we are unable to support ourselves
It’s not even malicious. We’re too tired for that.
We the heavy brothers and weak sisters who are so lacking in value and validity that they call us invalids
We the toxic and confused
The fractures and contused
The beat down and abused
The mirthlessly amused
We offer these poor words as our prayers
We who dwell in poverty’s shower because it’s all that we deserve.
So sayeth society. So sayeth us all.
More than we deserve, really, because we are useless to the great machines and therefore worse than useless to the society that, out of the greatest of kindnesses, permits us to skulk in the shadows of worthier things
We exist so that people can reassure themselves that they are merciful.
You’re welcome, by the way
Instead, we gaze out at the busy productive world and wonder what it is like to be useful and worthy and good.
We wonder if any of those people out there, with their jobs and their lives and their involvements, ever stop and appreciate what a gift having purpose can be.
Probably not. After all, who thanks the air?
We the wretched beseech you, spare a thought for those who dwell in the dark now and then, and take this the only gift that is ours to give : our suffering.
It may not look like much, but it means a lot to us
And we want you to have it
Hmmm, poetry. A tad pompous and pretentious, I suppose, but there’s good stuff in there somewhere, I am sure
The imagery, as always, is top notch.
I’m an imagistic writer. They’re my specialty.
I’ve been peeing a lot lately. That’s not a good sign.
And as usual when I go through one of these phases, I am sure that output vastly exceeds input. I cannot possibly be drinking enough pee this much.
If this keeps up, I will dehydrate to the point of becoming a powder.
And I have been feeling very tired and depressed today. Right now, all I really want to do is turn out all the lights and go to bed. Forever.
And yet, I know there’s a chance I will suddenly reverse polarity and be uncomfortably energetic and twitchy.
I just can’t win. No matter how the variables shift, the equation still equals misery.
Oh well, Time to rend myself unto the darkness.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.