Today was Therapy Thursday Plus One.
Why? Because Therapy Friday doesn’t alliterate, dammit.
Due to scheduling issues regarding an upcoming vacation, my therapist had to do my therapy today rather than the usual Thursday.
No therapy next Thursday either. We won’t be talking again till the 39th, which is after my Very Busy Period.
It was a good session. I told him about feeling hopeless and powerless lately due to all my goddamned medical issues.
The future does not look good for me. With everything that is wrong with me, all I can see in my future is a steep decline into an even crappier existence.
My knees hurt a lot lately. One or both are probably going to pop soon.
That should be fun.
But Doctor Chao told me that there was absolutely nothing that could be done to fix cartilage damage. Not a single thing. They can replace your heart, give people brand new hips that work just like the originals, even make medications customized to your very own personal genome, but cartilage?
Might as well be living in the paleolithic era.
Which is total bullshjt. I bet if I was a superstar athlete they could fix my fucking knees. Somehow, medical science would find a way to do it.
It’s a fucking miracle.
So I should really go see Doctor Chao about it. Get yet another medical issue making its way through the medical maze. That way I will at least be able to say I did what I could if the system once again decides I am not worth saving.
Probably not gonna call any time soon though. I have too much happening in the next couple of weeks as is.
My therapist Doctor Costin did something amazing near the end of the session. I was talking about how I had money saved and had no idea what to do with it, and that I couldn’t even imagine what would make my life a happier one.
Then I mumbled something about winning the lottery.
And he said “Wait, what would you do with the money? ”
I said “I dunno, Probably buy real estate.
“Why? What for?”
“To live in it, I guess. “
“Really? In what kind of place?”
“I dunno. Somewhere comfortable and pleasant and cozy and clean. “
“THAT’s IT! You should hire people to clean your room!”
And he’s right, god damn it. That would definitely do a lot to make my life better and it is fully within my ability to make happen.
Crap. Now what do I do?
Kidding. I am going to arrange it. It might take a while for me to get started on it, but it is going to happen. I now know that there is no reason not to do it and that it will definitely make things a whole lot better for me, so I am officially looking forward to it now.
I just have to overcome my usual resistance to actually doing things and the nameless fear that comes with it.
That might take a while. But I am on final approach. I am going to get there
More after the break.
Here to clean up this town
Haven’t contacted Molly Maid yet, but it’s coming. Maybe tomorrow.
One factor I need to handle is shame. This room is a more than just dusty. There are blood stains and “other” stains and all the signs of someone really, really not coping with life as we know it.
That’s why I figure it’s going to cost me as much as a full apartment job. Because between the bedroom and the en suite, there is def an apartment’s worth of cleaning.
And then some, probably.
And I am going to want this whole little world of mine sanitized. Top to bottom, wall to wall, every surface, clean them all.
And once everything is spic and/or span, I will keep it that way. Possibly obsessively, seeing as I tend to go from one extreme to another.
Oh well, I am perfectly willing to risk becoming a tad OCD if it means I stop living like an incontinent hobo junkie.
Heck, I might even pony up for a regular maid service some day. The classic “lady (or laddie) who comes in twice a week” type deal.
That will make more sense when I am a well paid and important writer.
After all, I can’t waste my precious creative energies on HOUSEWORK!
Not strictly true. I can. I just don’t wanna.
I’ve often fantasized about living the life of a pampered author. Living in a hotel room. Unlimited room service budget. Living space kept clean and neat and tidy without my having to lift a finger. Excellent air conditioning. Comfortable.
And, of course, a top flight gaming computer for recreation. Even I can’t write all the time. I would need both games and naps.
And the occasional rentable companion. Rawr.
All that in place, I could be one hell of a writer. I have scads of creative energy waiting to be tapped. I’ve never even glimpsed the limits of it.
My time in VFS showed that I can do creative work in half an hour that is better than what most people can do in an entire day.
I can totally imagine myself making fat stacks o’ cash as a high level freelancer. You need it tomorrow? No problem, I’m your guy. You need a full treatment by Monday? I will have it to for your approval on Saturday.
There’s got to be a lot of money in being able to do good work fast.
Whether or not it’s also cheap depends on where I am in my career.
Just starting out? sure. Well known as a genius and a miracle worker? Not on your life.
Miracles ain’t cheap, kid.
First I would have to get over my issues and go back to UpWork. Or find another similar site. I had this freelance thing going at one point, and I can do it again dammit.
My massive talents cry out to be used!
And quite frankly, it’s been getting on my nerves.
I will talk to you nice people tomorrow.