…still yields to the dawn.
Been feeling better lately. And by better, I mean “less deathly”.
My appetite is back at around 80 percent strength. I still have to choose what I eat carefully and be sure not to eat too much too fast or I will trip the nausea alarm,. but food seems pretty good to me at least some of the time and that’s the important thing.
Having zero appetite sucks. Making yourself eat is never fun.
Pretty sure I know what caused it to disappear. Constipation. Nuff said.
And I am not nearly as depressed, either. The feeling of dour doom is gone. I am still pretty worried about my health conditions and how they might yet kill me, but I can at least forget about it and have fun now and then.
And we all need fun. Pleasure is important. And not optional.
I suppose in a way, I feel better now because I have become pleasantly fatalistic about it all. I will do the things I need to do to get healthy and beyond that, I can’t control what happens, so why worry about it?
Speaking of my health, I am excited to get my second Covid shot tomorrow morning.
A bit worried that it will make me sick as it has others, but whatever. Still worth it.
I think that for me and billions of others, getting your final Covid shot is the official end of your particular chapter of the Covid story.
Obviously the world is still dealing with it, especially the USA (grr), and this fucking Delta variant is making the end of this drama very… messy… but I am really looking forward to being sure I am safe from it.
The best part is that Joe and Julian will be getting theirs on Monday. and Felicity will be getting hers in early August, and therefore soon we will be able to do Denny’s again!
I have missed us being able to eat together so much. This eating in two different cars and shouting to one another sucks.
We did it at Wendy’s last night. Kept having to shout over the sound of jets passing overhead. Turns out our Wendy’s is directly under the flight path for the local airport.
That was fun.
And I have always hated eating in cars. My father made it so tense with his dire warnings of even direr consequences if we made a mess.
For a clutzy kid who screws up no matter how hard he tries to do everything right, this seemed like a no win scenario.
So eating in cars is invariably tense for me. I’d rather not. I look forward to eating in restaurants where you can all sit together and people bring the food to you.
That’s what civilization is for, god damn it!
Oh. And I really, really look forward to not having to wear a mask in public.
Technically, my province has already lifted the legal mask mandate. But we’re all still wearing them anyhow.
I think it will take a long time for us to stop. After all, who wants to go first?
Not me, and I have hated wearing the things from the very beginning. I have a deep fear of smothering and can’t stand to have anything covering my mouth and nose.
But I wore them anyway because I am not a fucking child.
More after the break.
IV drug use
Did the IV antibiotic thing this morning at around 9 am.
Not much to tell. Had a cute nurse name Kevin. Very Gaysian. To a fault, really, because he did that sing-song voice thing I can’t stand.
I honestly had the urge to tell him to be a little less gay.
The following nurse may be too gay for some gay people.
That was probably for the best, though, because it kept me from falling in love or lust with him. He was very cute.
Also consulted with a doctor. We agreed that there had been little progress so far so I will be going to keep doing the daily treatment until Tuesday at minimum.
Oh. And when Kevin asked what was up with the usual rash on my head, I panicked and told him I had bumped my head, and that became a whole thing, with Kevin cleaning and dressing my “wound” after the doctor examined it.
It’s all very sitcom. I have this absurd lie I have to maintain now.
Or I will just fess up. Lying is too much damned work.
What am I waiting for?
Still trying to figure out what I am waiting for when I end up sitting on the edge of my bed for like 20 to 30 minutes, lost.
Because it’s definitely a waiting game. While I am sitting there in that strange form of immobility, I am definitely awaiting some future condition.
But for what? For my blood to resettle around my boy after pooling in various places while I was laying down? For the fluid in my ears to stop sloshing about and making me very very slightly dizzy? For the stars to align so that I might, through a sacrifice of flesh, unlock the Door of Eternity and witness the full glory of Creation?
Probably not that last one. I don’t even own a goat.
So far, the micro-dizzy explanation seems the most plausible. I have been getting dizzy a lot lately. Pretty much every time I stand up unless it’s one of those rare moments where I actually remember to stand up slowly.
And even then, I still get dizzy. But a lot less.
Problem is, I have a lot of potential culprits for my dizziness. Could be my weak heart, could be my diabetes, could be my sinus issues fucking up my inner ear.
But it is getting worse and that scares me. I don’t just get dizzy, I stay dizzy. To the pint where I look like a drunk trying to walk into a stiff breeze.
Being bedridden with vertigo sounds like a form of hell to me.
Here’s hoping it doesn’t come to that.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.