Feeling wistful, so I thought I would go back over my YouTube videos in order to reminisce about a time when I had a lot more energy and ambition, and to remind myself just how gosh darn talented I am.
For example. I made this silly thing :
The weird thing is, I look pretty much exactly the same now. I guess your appearance doesn’t change much between the ages of 24 and 50 when you spend all your tie sitting in front of your computer.
No Therapy Thursday today, my therapist, Doctor Costin, had an emergency. His wife needed a ride to and from the dentist.
We’ve rescheduled for noon tomorrow. I also have that ultrasound of my eye tomorrow morning somewhere nearish 9 am at the Eye Care Clinic in Vancouver.
My life is so busy lately! Relatively speaking.
I complain, but honestly, its nice to have places to go and things to do.
This is probably the most ambitious video I’ve ever made :
It was a heck of a lot of work to look up all those images, gank them to my HD, then stick them into the vid along with my hilarious misinterpretations of the lyrics, but it was a heck of a lot of fun, too.
I should try to get back into that spirit of just making stuff and putting it out there just for the heck of it. No big ambitions or precious dreams, no extrinsic motivations whatsoever, as pure and simple as a child fingerpainting.
Or masturbation. Take your pick.
Feeling better than I did yesterday, but still somewhat melancholy. Today I have been feeling like I am working toward… something… on the emotional level, and I am doing my best to just let it unfold without trying to control it.
With any lcuk, I will become something else. Something better. Fruvous 2.0, with all the features you love but without the stifled miserable storage closet of a life you hate!
Well, I hate it, anyhow.
Here’s one where a black void shaped like my beard explains how to defeat terrorism :
I am so darn deep.
I should upload some of these to TIkTok. It seems to be a place for people talking to the camera to express their thoughts.
Something I should do more often.
But I live at the bottom of a massive pile of “shoulds”. One more or less makes absolutely no difference to me.
I really should do something about that.
Finally, here’s one of my favorite bits of music I’ve made :
Warning : it’s silly.
I guess I’m a little bummed that I didn’t get to tell my therapist all about my most recent medical misadventure. But I will tell him all about it tomorrow.
And I will tell you nice people how the whole “ultrasound my eyeball” thing goes.
I really hope my eye can be fixed without surgery, but I don’t see the tiniest bit of improvement when I close my right eye, so I am not hopeful.
Oh well. I’ve had two cataract surgeries before. I can handle this one too.
More after the break.
How long now?
Apparently, I’m to expect tomorrow’s appointment to get an ultrasound of my eye to take 1 to 3 hours. For some reason.
That would only be a mystery if I hadn’t goofed up today. I was supposed to call the Community Care Clinic where I get my Wound Care done to tell them that there was no way I would make tomorrow’s appointment as I will be at the Eye Care Clinic getting what appears to be a quite extensive ultrasound of my eye done.
i mean, 1 to three hours? Why the heck does it take that long? Doctor Low-Beer was able to do an ultrasound of my eye in like fifteen seconds with her portable unit.
What, is the ultrasound done by getting individual bats to chirp at my eye one at a time and then asking them for their impressions? fucked up and forgot
Or maybe an imaging tech has to hum at me?
Anyhow, because I fucked up and forgot to call the Clinic, and the Clinic opens at 8:45, and my ultrasound appoint is at 9 am in Vancouver, I have somewhat of a logistical clusterfuck to sort out tomorrow morning.
The only alternative I see is that I am going to have to call them from Julian’s smartphone while we are on the road to Vancouver.
That will be a little awkward, but it sure beats having to call them in the middle of getting my eyeball examined.
Luckily, I think the Wound Care appointment is at 10:15 am, so there’s some leeway. And lord knows, I have canceled ab appointment with less notice than that before.
What can I say, some days I don’t know I am too sick to go till I wake up in the morning.
Its always ironic to be too sick to go to a medical appointment. But irony does not obviate the fact that in order to go to the doctor, I have to be well enough to travel.
It’s either that or call an ambulance, and I am pretty sure you are not supposed to do that. They hate that kind of thing.
Ah, well. Life is full of little annoying details like this one. And now that I am taking microscopic baby steps towards actually being among the living, there is going to be a lot more of them.
Might as well get used to it.
Turns out the real world has, like, stress in it! Amazing.
I get the feeling that part of entering Actual Life ™ might be adjusting my opinion of just how calm and rational a person I am.
It’s entirely possible that said lucid placidity is entirely a product of my shiftless life and once I start really getting down to business, I might have a lot more crankiness and volatility to deal with than ever before.
If so, bring it. Nobody ever said learning to live was going to be easy.
I have a very, VERY large imbalance between the mental and the physical to address, and putting that right is bound to involve some serious fluctuations.
Well whatever happens, I’ll just deal with it.
I always do.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.