I’ve been craving sweet things lately.
And that’s not good. It’s a classic symptom of diabetes. In fact, waaaaay back when I first got my diabetes diagnosis, that was the first symptom I noticed.
I’d gone from a normal amount of the enjoyment of sweets to devouring entire boxes of cookies in one sitting. And still wanting more.
Thank God (and Doctor Robinson) for that diagnosis, because that’s how I avoided becoming the fat guy who is eating constantly.
As adorable and lovable and humpable as Clawhauser is, in the real world, people like him eat sweet things constantly and feel like they would “die” or “starve” without them because they have Type 2 diabetes and their blood sugar is so insanely high that when they stop eating it plunges fast enough to make them make a mad dash for the Oreos just to put it back to “normal”.
Needless to say, the prognosis for someone like that is pretty grim. If they don’t find it in themselves to snap out of that mode in time, they can go through the whole pathology of diabetes, from Type 2 to Type 1 to brittle Type 1 to no longer with us in a shockingly short time. It’s quite sad.
And that’s not even counting the psychologically addictive nature of our modern supranormally rewarding foods. In many ways, we fat people are simply addicts with a very visible pathology.
Good thing he’s a cartoon character and doesn’t have to worry about that.
Anyhow, back to me. I would say I am mildly worried about my cravings. But I think I know where they came from.
I’ve been missing meals lately.
Mostly midnight snacks, but there’s been a few other meals too. I keep missing midnight snacks because with Joe in the hospital, our usual routine of watching stuff at midnight has been disrupted and being a creature of habit with very low levels of initiative, I have not yet summoned the wherewithal to replace it.
And I feel very silly about that. Missing meals is a very serious thing with me. I really should not do it. One missed meal can throw off my whole system for a week.
And I have missed a bunch of them lately.
In theory, I could just eat more for a few meals to make up for the deficit. But like I said, I am a creature of habit and it’s very difficult for me to alter my routine like that.
It’s taken me years to get to the point where I will eat between meals at all. When I was desperately poor, it was out of the question. I could barely afford three meals a day.
And my brain is still programmed that way.
So if I truly miss a meal, like I make it to the next meal without anything in between, there is no way for me to catch up and I have to just… endure it.
And part of that, it would seem, is putting up with having a sweet tooth all of a sudden.
It’s really a pain in the ass.
More after the break.
Feeling kinda lost
Having trouble waking up from my latest nap.
I think it’s because it was day when I went to sleep and night when I woke up. That always throws me off.
But I was also pretty deeply asleep when the alarm I had set on my tablet went off. Then, quite irritatingly, I accidentally made the screen with the “stop” button disappear by pressing the “home page” button by mistake, and so I was unable to turn the damned alarm off ’cause I have no idea to get the “stop” page back when that happens.
Which is a serious pain in the ass when you’ve just woken up. I had to use the emergency shutdown sequence (hold down the power button and the left volume button for ten seconds) in order to shut the god damned thing up.
So one might reasonably say that my reentry into consciousness was a tad rough.
In retrospect, I kinda wish I hadn’t needed to wake up. I really was very deep in sleep when the alarm went off. Who knows how long I would have slept if I had not set that alarm? I honestly probably really need some deep REMs.
As patient readers know, my sleep habits are atrocious. I get most of my sleep in 1.5 hour naps in between meals. That means I almost never get the really deep sleep that the mind needs so badly in order to transfer memories from medium to long term memory while we sleep.
No wonder I have so much brain fog. I am convinced that my mind bears a constant burden of a whole bunch of medium term memories forever stuck in limbo, unable to either be forgotten or be remembered.
Sad little lost souls.
Then again, brain fog is a good place to hide from reality, or rather, have reality hidden. All that fog softens the edges of reality like a soft focus lens and makes things all dreamy and hazy and vague.
Bad for clear thinking and remembering to do things, but it’s a great escape.
And I hate to admit it, but I abuse that state a lot. Part of the “benefit” of how I sleep only in little spurts is that I never need to truly fully wake up, at least when I am at home, and that lets me linger in that soft grey lazy state of mind.
At least I get dressed every day now, and that keeps me from goes completely into half-asleep mode all day long.
Like most forms of escapist abuse, being half-asleep all the time solves an immediate problem – having trouble dealing with reality – but ultimately does more harm than good.
I wish I could just stay fully awake and learn to frigging deal with things. And maybe I could if I was healthier physically.
Until then, I am going to keep drifting through life like a little grey cloud.
Maybe I should just make peace with that instead.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.